Doggy confessional


The warden escorted me over to solitary confinement. I haven’t been on this earth very long and yet my rap sheet is pretty lengthy. I’ve done my time for most of my crimes. There are still some things that I have done that are yet to be discovered. I’m sure in time they will find out it was me.

I was placed into my dark holding cell. My previous experience had taught me that it was pointless to try and fight this. There was no escaping. I turned around and watched as the metal door was closed. Then there was the sound of the latch clicking into place. The door was now locked. I could hear the sound of the wardens boots. He was leaving the area. The lights went out. I heard him mumble “Night night Sammy.” In the distance, there was the sound of a door opening and then closing.

The floor of my cell felt cool underneath my feet. I laid down and let out a loud sigh. It was dark, cold and I was alone. Suddenly, I began to regret the things I did to be placed into this position. Theft, destruction of property, assault, unruly behavior – these were but, a few small things on my rap sheet.
I guess the only thing left to do is to confess my sins and hope to start with a new clean slate.

Here goes nothing. Dear Merciful Masters, please forgive me for the sins that I have committed against you. For I am young and I don’t fully understand the ways of life yet. Although, I promise I am trying to learn. Please forgive me for jumping on the furniture oh, and for peeing on it. Forgive me for ripping up the pillows that were on the couch as well. I couldn’t help myself. There was a paper attached to it and I wanted to play with it. I didn’t realize it would rip. Furthermore, I was unaware that the fluff inside would explode out of it while I was shaking it. Had it not have been for that fluff getting stuck to my face, I probably would have got away with this crime. Oh well.

Please also forgive me for counter surfing and for stealing the food out of Dad’s hands today. In all fairness, It had been a whole 2 hours since I last ate. That’s an eternity! I know it was wrong but, I was desperate. It also smelled delicious and I even sat politely for 2 seconds before I committed the crime. That has to count for something right?

Let’s not also forget the murder of my sister’s beloved plush toys. Yes, I know they belonged to Valkyrie and that she loved them. The toys had it coming though. Who doesn’t want to rip to shreds those high pitched squeaking plushies? You’ll thank me some day!

There was also the socks, blankets, boxes, papers, of course other odds and ends that I stole and destroyed. I do regret the destruction of the blanket. Since that is gone, I no longer have something comfy in this cell with me. It would have been nice to have that to lay on or even to chew on. Oh well. What’s done is done.

Oh, there was also that time where Cesear’s orthopedic dog bed was a ticking time bomb. It exploded all around the bedroom. I at least brought some of the foam to my parents to let them know that the crisis was over and that I had survived. You’d think they’d be happy that I alone saved the day. Nope, it also resulted me being locked up in the slammer.

I must apologize for my nightly “zoomies”. I know I shouldn’t run from room to room, jumping on top of and off of everything in sight. I can’t help it though. Something comes over me and I just get the urge to live life in the fast lane. I saw Valkyrie do this cool trick where she jumped from the back side of the sofa to the front cushions. I’ve added this to my nightly zoomie run. I should probably add into this apology jumping on top of Dad in the process of landing on the cushions. I didn’t realize he was laying there until I landed. I did however, attempt to help him look for the balls he yelped about but, was unable to locate them. I hope he finds them. He sounded kind of miserable for a bit there.

Suddenly, a light shown brightly into the room. I heard what sounded like the voice of an angel. “Sammy”, she called out my name. I slowly lifted my head and glanced through the bars of my cell. Sweet mother of Dog! The power of prayer and forgiveness really does work. The door to my cell opened and I heard the sweetest of voices say “you can come back out now little one.” I stepped out of my cell, the light was so bright and I felt the warm embrace of the angel that freed me. It was in this moment that I began to feel like a brand new puppy. From this point on I’m going to live the good life. Start fresh and be the best dog that I can be.

I heard the sound of the warden’s boots heading toward the back door. I could already imagine the smell of fresh air and the feel of dirt between my toes. I gave my angel a kiss and then bolted through the house. The door was opened and my siblings were already in the yard without me. To get out there quickly I decided to take a shortcut. I jumped over the back of the sofa. As I was flying in the air I looked down and realized, Dad was laying on the couch again. Sorry Dad! I briefly heard him yell “balls” as I landed on him. I glanced back to reassure him that I would be back. After my run in the yard I would come back in and help him locate those. After all, I’m on a new track in life. I’m going to be a good boy from here on out.

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